2024 Tips for Mindful Love
In honor of my 31st wedding anniversary and the completion of the fourth round of Mindful Love group coaching last week, here is a list of tips for mindful, sustainable, healthy, love.
Shakespeare reminds us that “the course of true love never did run smooth.” Coaching doesn’t make loving easy but it ensures you don’t make a lifetime of loving harder. Coaching offers the invitation to opt out of regret, anger, frustration, and instead, connect with hope and love.
Today’s Tips:
Pause and be present. Practice tons of mindfulness and upregulate your parasympathetic nervous system.
Pause and breathe. Respond don’t react
Practice restorative or yin yoga
Practice self-compassion and hand-to-heart every single day.
Show up mindfully and intentionally. This means show up
Patient
Accepting
Non-Judgmentally
Non-striving
Grateful
Generous
Compassionate.
Paying attention on purpose
Noticing and being aware
Curious
Ask good questions.
What would love do? What would peace do? What would kindness do?
Replete yourself every single day. What energizes you? What nourishes you? Do more of these.
Step out of victimhood (even if you are a victim.) Connecting with the victim role is disempowering. Take ownership of whatever situation you are in. Take action that is kind to yourself.
Embrace that your relationship will always look different than other relationships. Comparing and despairing is emotionally expensive.
Listen to what your partner tells you even if it doesn’t make sense to you. Accept and allow that you can love each other and need different things. Accept and allow that you can love each other and not understand each other.
Focus on how you are similar and/or want at least some similar things in life. You likely want many of the same things, you just have different ways of getting there Just like you your partner has both amazing qualities and growth areas.
Focus on what’s in your control and let go of everything else. It’s ok to wish that things were different but then shift your focus on how you can make a difference. When you start making a difference, you might not wish that as many things were different. At a minimum, focus on how you show up. Show up intentionally. Your approach determines the landing. Land well and make your future self proud.
Remember your partner is likely doing the best they can and so are you.
Bathe your nervous system with positive neurochemicals. It helps!
Shift your focus to the positive. Tell good stories. Notice what’s working and how your partner shows love. Focus on what your partner is great at and what they contribute.
Reading the list is one thing. Engaging in the work, and customizing and personalizing the tools for your situation and your brain is entirely another! If the list doesn’t resonate or feel doable, that is what coaching, either 1:1 and/or in a small group, helps you with.
Long-term loving relationships are “ a long and winding road.” You and your relationship are worth, an overfilled box of useful tools to help smooth the journey.