The Key to Change is Not What You Think

How do I get unstuck, take action, grow, and evolve? What do I do? This is what I get asked all the time.

The most essential step is what to stop doing.

Noticing and understanding what is holding you back and keeping you stuck- habits, thoughts, fears, and identities is usually the most impactful component of change and living a life you love.

We think we need to change our situation. Change jobs, husbands, get a new degree.

The key to feeling differently and living a different life is actually that YOU have to change.

You have to let of who you are to become who you want to be.

You have to let go of thoughts, beliefs, and habits, that are unhelpful, heavy, and holding you back.

Mindfulness and noticing old unhelpful patterns, without judgment is the first and most important step.

This is what coaching is about.

Pushing ourselves to do hard things and being mean to ourselves about our journey thus far and the rate of our progress is the most common unhelpful pattern I help people let go of.

Pushing and judging ourselves slows down our growth massively.

Perfectionism and hypervigilance feel like they keep us safe and help us move forward- but they don’t.

Worrying about catastrophes, mistakes, and worst-case scenarios keeps us from taking chances, experimenting, and trying things.

Fearing disappointing others and worrying about what they will think feels like it would be helpful - we might need their help and support someday - also interferes with our progress.

When we worry about disappointing others we almost always disappoint ourselves.

What is needed and helpful?

Small, subtle shifts.

Slow change integrated over time.

Being kind to your nervous system.

Courage, honesty, curiosity, inspiration, and hope.

Mindfulness.

Noticing.

Kindness. Grace. Forgiveness.

And flexibility.

Loads of self-compassion.

Acceptance of who and where you are.

And love- for you, everyone else, and the world as it is.

If you can identify and do even a little less of what’s getting in the way, and a little more of what helps and see what happens. You will be happily surprised.

If you want help- getting help helps and this is my zone of genius and passion.

Grab the last spot in Transition Well, reach out for 1:1 coaching, join Ongoing Presence, or join me for an in-person retreat.