We Don't All Just Need a Marty, We Need to be a Marty Ourselves

Relationships are playgrounds for thoughts and belief systems.

So many of us have relationships that we struggle with because of these thoughts and belief systems.

This recent popular article about Marty and Ruth Ginsburg is beautiful and inspiring about what can be.

https://www.vogue.com/.../may-every-woman-find-her-marty...

It is a great reminder of the importance of friendship and mutual love and support in a relationship.

I wanted to offer a twist on it though.

We don't all just need a Marty, we need to be a Marty ourselves.

This article celebrates that Ruth let Marty be Marty and Marty let Ruth be Ruth.

They didn’t appear to have long “manuals” for how the other should be or behave.

In coaching, we teach that when you let your partner (kids, parents, colleagues...) show up as 100 percent authentically them, that is when the amazingness in relationships occurs.

Ruth appreciated his cooking and Marty appreciated her success. It sounds like she didn’t put him down for not cooking right or healthy enough or for not achieving much as she did.

I would like to offer that many of us- myself included- have our own Marty in our midst.

But we often miss experiencing their loving offerings because sometimes these don’t look like we think they should.

“A woman’s life is only as good as the man she marries.” -RBG

Most of us chose to marry good partners.

We struggle in our relationships because we stop seeing abundance and instead focus on scarcity.

We are trained to do this in medical school and in the world by media.

To see what we don’t have.

To try to fix.

Most women professionals, especially doctors, are also highly driven fixers, always looking to make things even better.

Also often worried that something “might go wrong” or “will go in the wrong direction if we aren’t ever vigilant.”

Media and social media often makes us fixated on fixing and improving and changing our relationships.

We sometimes even mislabel our intentions as a growth mindset.

What if your relationship was already like Marty and Ruth’s.

In its own way.

And all that’s needed is to up-level your mindset about it.

Letting go of the list of what you think your partner should do and instead-

Pause and be present

And notice and enjoy what your partner actually does to show you love and support you.

Even if it isn’t on your list of things a partner should do to do this.

This work brings a lot of joy and connection and love back into the relationship.

And leaves space for more mutual accepting and growing and up-leveling in the exact unique way your relationship is meant to.

In that space everyone’s behavior and energy changes.

When you notice and appreciate.

Accept and allow.

Be the change you want to see.

That is where the magic begins.

And if it doesn’t you can make decisions from a place of clarity.

How is your partner actually a Marty?

At least to some degree?

Even with his/her faults.

How can you be more of a Marty?