What Taxes Taught Me About Trust, Compassion, and Letting Go

Taxes have always been stressful for me.

They bring up anxiety, self-doubt, catastrophizing, and a deep fear of doing it wrong.
Paying too much. Missing something. Getting in trouble.
It’s not just about money. It’s about shame. Perfectionism. Fear.
My perception of right and wrong. Judgment. Self-blame. Self-doubt.
And a tangled web of impostor syndrome, scarcity, and uncertainty.

For much of my life, my relationship with taxes and money has mirrored my evolving relationship with trust and support.

For twenty-five years, I did my own taxes.
Even when I had more than enough on my plate. Even when it made no sense.
Doing them myself gave me control.
Understanding. Certainty.
Or so I thought.

What it revealed was how deeply I struggled to trust others and how uncomfortable I was receiving help with something I didn’t fully understand.

When I tried to delegate, it never quite worked. My challenges with trust, scarcity, and "needing to get it right" got in the way.

When I started Pause & Presence, I had to get help. LLC and S-Corp taxes are a whole new ballgame.
The first CPA I hired couldn't communicate with me. Was it him or me? Was he a good CPA? It doesn't matter.
When you can't communicate, it isn't functional or kind to either of you and your relationship with taxes definitely gets worse.

The second CPA was clearly a brilliant tax strategist and exceptionally knowledgeable. I could 100% trust his knowledge and wisdom. He turned out to also not to be a good fit because he was also a terrible communicator. He wanted to be the expert and not explain. It wasn't kind or compassionate for us to continue to work together.

I came to the conclusion that I was the problem. My inner tendencies, smart brain, and overfunctioning were as much an issue, if not more than, the taxes.

I realized I needed someone who could explain things with clarity and calm and who could meet me where I was.

Getting help with taxes isn't just about the taxes. It's like finding a coach. It's about fit and how you want to feel and show up in your life.
Especially when things are hard or unfamiliar.

Feeling neutral about taxes was never an explicit goal of mine.
I simply wanted my taxes done "right" and I didn’t want to feel anxious.

When I found neutrality and nonjudgment about taxes yesterday, IT WAS AMAZING.

And the amazing went beyond filing those taxes. Learning to approach taxes with more trust and compassion wasn’t just healing my relationship with taxes and money, it was an evolution of my ability to:

ask for help,
let go of control,
release perfectionism,
rewrite old stories about money and worth,
and find clarity in communication

A few key things I learned along the way:

1. You can be empowered without doing it all yourself. Overfunctioning isn’t a badge of honor. Trust is powerful. Receiving is brave.

2. Financial clarity is emotional clarity. When you understand where your money is going, it’s easier to align your time, energy, and values.

3. Perfectionism and right-or-wrong have no place in peace. There is no “right” way to do taxes, money, or life—only aligned ways.

4. Neutral is enough. You don’t have to love every part of running a business or being an adult. But you can meet those stressful, uncomfortable parts with calm, clarity, and presence.

Healing your relationship with taxes might not be revolutionary for you. For me, it was a doorway to something much bigger.

Peace with money. Peace with control. Peace with parts of life that feel overwhelming.

How I got there, once again, was through mindfulness and coaching.

It turns out the tools and strategies that have transformed my ability to make career decisions, big life choices, and improve all my relationships -- also help with taxes and money.

If they can help me with taxes and money anxiety, scarcity, and catastrophizing, they can likely help you.

Wishing you all peace, neutrality, and liberation from all your old hang-ups-- today and every day.