What’s in your control?

I struggled with thoughts about control in the recent weeks of unexpected smoke and darkness.

I know so many of you also struggle with this.

Almost all of us want to control whatever we can.

Our world, our surroundings, and even other people.

It makes us feel safe.

The more out of control and uncertain things are (think 2020), the more we want to try to find control.

When things are out of our control, we feel helpless.

And we want that feeling to go away.

So we try to control whatever we can.

Fix everything and everyone.

Even things out of our control.

Outcomes

And especially other people.

We are so busy trying to control and fix things,

we miss the fact that controlling things out of our control is not possible.

And we are making ourselves unhappy in the process.

Trying to control things out of our control makes us feel even more out of control.

What can you do when so much is out of your control?

Pause and be present

Breathe-  even when the air isn’t totally clean.

Accept and allow - which doesn’t mean liking

Focus on what is actually in your control

Notice where you have abundance and enjoy it whatever it is —even when it looks different than you think.

Choose your thoughts wisely - they determine your life experience no matter the circumstances.

And know that when it comes to people we love —letting go of control feels even more uncomfortable.

We have good intentions.

We want what’s best for them.

And perhaps we even truly believe we think we know what that is.

But to control what others think or do is futile - no matter how much expertise we have.

They don't like it.

And it makes us unhappy.

Yet we waste so much energy trying to get others to behave in a way that we think will make us happy.

When you decide that you can’t will the smoke or hurricane or virus away-  you have more energy for living.

When we let go of trying to change others we also gain so much time, energy and life back. To be present and enjoy our relationships and shared lives with the people we love.

In this moment,  when so much is out of our control, there is nothing better than being with someone who loves you for who you are and isn't always trying to make you be a better version of yourself.  Can you be that person for those you love and for yourself.