Be a Lighthouse: Boundaries Without Guilt for Physicians
“Lighthouses don’t go all over an island looking for boats to save. They just stand there shining.”
—Anne Lamott
Lighthouses are a beacon for boats in distress.
They help.
Not by chasing. Not by rescuing. Not by exhausting themselves trying to manage the entire shoreline.
They help by being strong, grounded, and consistent—a steady source of light.
Lighthouses make a difference. They guide people who are struggling—or lost in the fog—toward safety and a future with more possibilities.
I aspire to show up like a lighthouse.
As a coach.
As a businesswoman and yoga teacher.
As a mom, a wife, a daughter, a sister, and a human.
And I’ll be honest: it wasn’t easy to switch from the habit of running around trying to save all the boats.
But it has been so worth it.
The “rescuer” pattern women physicians know well
Many women physicians have been rewarded for rescuing.
We anticipate needs. We fix. We manage. We step in early. We carry more than our share—at work and at home—because we can.
Over time, that pattern creates:
exhaustion
resentment
disconnection
a nervous system that never fully shuts down
And the cruel irony is this:
The more you rescue, the more people unconsciously rely on you to keep rescuing.
Even when they’re capable.
Even when they need their own learning curve.
Even when your rescuing is quietly costing you your health, your joy, and your capacity to love well.
What it means to be a lighthouse
Being a lighthouse doesn’t mean you don’t care.
It means you choose presence over panic. It means you stop confusing urgency with responsibility. It means you let other people have their own capacity—and their own consequences.
A lighthouse:
stays anchored
shines consistently
trusts others to navigate
helps without self-abandoning
This is boundaries without guilt.
This is sustainable leadership.
This is love with a backbone.
How might your life feel different if you stopped saving all the boats… and became a lighthouse?
What would you stop doing?
What might you finally have energy for?
Who in your life might step forward if you stepped back—just a little?
And what kind of peace might become possible if you let “not fixing” be an act of love?
If over-responsibility is showing up in your relationship
If you’re the one who carries the emotional labor, anticipates everything, manages everything, and then feels resentful about it… You’re not alone.
And you’re not broken.
You’re overfunctioning—and it’s trainable.
If this is most evident in your marriage or partnership, you may love Mindful Love relationship coaching. It’s where we work with over-responsibility, resentment, nervous system depletion, and boundaries—without trying to turn you into a different person.
(And if your version of “saving all the boats” shows up more at work—in leadership, career decisions, or burnout—this is also exactly what 1:1 coaching supports.)