Coaching Is Magic for Relationships
I thought I was a long term relationship “expert.” My husband and I have been married for 26 years and together for 35 years. Even with the most steadfast commitment and deep love, relationships are hard work. When children, high stress careers, illness, and mental illness enter in, things get even more complicated.
When I recently found myself caught in the mire and the muck— the frustration, the isolation and the confusion- I stumbled upon coaching. Coaching was a game changer for me, even and especially when, the playing field includes mental health.
Coaching is not couples counseling or therapy. It is not focused on “fixing” anyone, or fixing the relationship, or “meeting in the middle”, or “meeting your partners needs.”
Coaching is focused on YOU and how you want to show up. Coaching is putting your own oxygen mask on first. Learning to pause, be present, and notice. And then cleaning up your own mental clutter so you can show up for your relationship and the rest of your life in the way that you want.
Coaching helps you become aware of the “manual” you have for your partner. We all have them. The unsaid expectations. The things that when they don’t happen make you irritated and frustrated and feel let down or held back. Dumping out every one these expectations onto a piece of paper and examining them in detail, no matter how big or small they may seem, is eye-opening and life changing.
Once you are aware of your full manual you can CHOOSE to drop it. Nobody wants to. We all want to hold on to what we think we deserve and how we think we should be being treated. What you are left with when you finally do is a choice to accept and love your partner exactly as they are— strengths, weaknesses, illnesses, idiosyncrasies and all. There is no fixing or changing them. There is no fighting reality. Each of you gets to be authentically you.
This is when things begin to shift and the magic starts to happen.
PS: this works with all relationships, including with your mother and your job.