Love Would Stay Married 53 Years

What would love do?

Stay married for 53 years.

Happy 53rd anniversary to my parents this week.

Having been there for 51 of the 53 years, I know that staying married for this long was not just good luck or true love.

What was the secret?

As a relationship and life coach, I have been thinking about this intensely.

These are my initial thoughts on what I think may have helped.

My parents have always let each other be exactly who they each are. Neither of them is simple. And their story isn’t either. These wedding photos were taken in India in 1967. And there is quite a story behind how and why the wedding happened this way.

My parents also each show up for their marriage and their family as exactly who they are— not who they think the other one wants them to be or who they think they should be —but who they actually authentically are. Idiosyncrasies, imperfections, and masterpiece components. All together. All parts of the whole.

As I reflect, my parents knew how to do this “mostly well.”

And it took a lot of learning along the way.

Many of us also need help along the way. I did.

Every marriage has challenges.

Then add in 2020- Covid, social injustice, high-stress careers, and increasing mental health challenges.

I myself have been married for 27 years so far. My own marriage has also not succeeded due to good luck or true love. These are not enough to get you through the bumps in the road.

Coaching taught me incredibly helpful tools.

Bringing mindfulness to my relationship and learning to show up intentionally helped me navigate more smoothly through mental health challenges, physical health challenges, neurodiversity, job transitions, toddlers, Adhd, teenagers, and 2020.

Among other things, coaching helped me learn to successfully get out of my own way and make sure I wasn’t sabotaging myself or giving up on us too soon. I know that staying married isn’t the right answer for all couples. But coaching helps you make decisions from a place of clarity and calm rather than from anger, resentment, and victimhood.

Inspired by my parents’ 53 years together, I am writing a longer piece about my thoughts on successful relationships and mindful approaches to marriages. Looking forward to sharing it later this month..

May you all ask yourself what love would do and live and love well this week.