Parenting Amidst the Chaos of Coronavirus - An Unexpected Opportunity

Being a parent in the middle of a pandemic, sheltering in place with cancelled daycare, school, and college, and being doctors in high-risk, high-intensity situations.  None of this is easy.

Yet, it is also an incredible opportunity:  An opportunity for an abundance of love, connection, compassion, curiosity, learning, and growth. 

Intentionally choosing your thoughts about your current situation allows you to change your experience of it.  

Below are 10 ways you can CHOOSE to think about parenting during the current COVID- 19 situation to help it feel more like an “opportunity.”

There is no better time than now to feel and share as much compassion, connection, and love as possible.  Love and connection protect against PTSD, anxiety and depression-- for you and your children. Choose to focus your attention on thoughts and activities that inspire love and connection.

“People will forget what you said.  People will forget what you did.  But people will never forget how you made them feel."-Maya Angelou

Intentionally choose thoughts that help you feel safe and in control.  Then share them with your children.  Worry is a defensive approach to chaos and uncertainty.  “Worry only pretends to be necessary.”  Mindset and thought management are offensive strategies.  Useful thoughts to try:  "This is what we have today ”;  “We will do whatever we can to figure it out”;  ” We are safe at home”  (rather than stuck at home).

Model vulnerability and show your kids and teens how you work through your own anxiety, fear and overwhelm. Demonstrate that you can allow and accept these uncomfortable feelings that are “of course” present right now.  Then show up as the brave, superhero doctor you are, with these feelings along for the ride, but not in the proverbial “driver’s seat,” Your children will be much more nimble when faced with life challenges if they learn from you that this is possible. 

Model for your children how to problem-solve, face difficulty, and overcome challenges, while at the same time still practice self-care and self-compassion. Share you processes and efforts with them.  They learn by watching you and listening to you.   Avoid being overly hard on yourself for your perceived or real imperfections.  It doesn't serve you or your children. 

Fun and laughter are important life skills for long-term emotional health. Kids need to not only see their parents work hard but also have fun and laugh.  Cancelled activities and school drop-offs leave more time for family laughter and fun. 

Meditating and being mindful is one of the most important things parents can do to help our children. It improves your immune system and your equanimity. When you model it for your children and teach it to them, they learn tools that help them for a lifetime. 

“ The space between stimulus and response is where your power lies.” Viktor Frankl

“Your breath is always available to you.”  Breathing is a tool to improve both physical and emotional health.  Deep breaths nourish your body, especially your nervous system.  Breathe deeply often and teach your children to do the same.

Being in nature is a healing opportunity for everyone. Spending time in nature as a family is an opportunity to slow down, notice, and be mindful of all our sensations. You can be out in nature, while also social distancing.

It is important for kids to be “helpful” and “part of the solution.”  It is good for their mental health to feel useful (and good for your housework to have their help.) Think creatively about ways kids can help at home and in the community.  Frame your requests in terms of making a difference and contributing to fighting the virus.  Cards, drawing pictures to share, reaching out to isolated elderly relatives, cooking, cleaning…

As a parent, you are the guide for your children. Your children’s unwelcome behavior is not about you.  This pandemic will undoubtedly lead to many tough parenting moments.  Frustration, fatigue, overwhelm, and anger will appear.  If you can find the pause in these moments and try to respond rather than react, your children will learn from you.  If you can “be curious rather than furious,” your children will learn from you.  As parents, we “are raising someone else’s spouse, parent, and colleague.”  Teaching children to handle adversity and overwhelm with a pause and approach frustration and anger with curiosity, will help our children in their future life roles.

Enjoy the opportunities of this crazy moment in time.  Be well, be safe, and find a moment for laughter and fun.