Would You Rather?

A gift of relief and satisfaction on the eve of the holidays.

When it comes to gift giving - and receiving- we usually have to choose to prioritize surprise or satisfaction.

Rarely do both come equally.

We work so hard to make both happen simultaneously. We judge ourselves as a failure when they don't.

Acknowledging the inherent tension between them takes away the pressure and the sense of “failure” you feel when you aren’t able to read someone’s mind or heart and guess "right."

When we go for surprise, how often are we, or they, satisfied?

How often are you/they disappointed?

There is a great children's book called Would You Rather?

This came to mind when I first heard the idea of surprise vs satisfaction on social media recently.

Choosing to prioritize surprise and satisfaction isn't easy, but seeing that there is an inherent choice is a relief.

What's also key is the concept of "prioritizing."

Prioritizing goes beyond choice.

It goes beyond would you rather and puts you back in control.

Prioritizing is deliberate and intentional.

When you prioritize the delight of surprise- that is the gift.

When you prioritize satisfaction- that is the gift.

There's one more layer.

When you choose to prioritize satisfaction, the other person still may not get it right.

We can tell them what we want - a gift (or help around the house, or grocery shopping or... ) and they still might not succeed in satisfying us.

They can try super hard to follow the direction and requests and still not get it right.

For those of you with neurodiverse partners, this is almost always true.

We can prioritize satisfaction nonetheless. We can choose to be satisfied anyway.

Why not?

So prioritize surprise or prioritize satisfaction.

And then choose to be satisfied- no matter what.

Decide not to be dissatisfied.

And enjoy.

Feeling satisfied feels great.

It is the greatest gift.