"You Come to Love Not By Finding the Perfect Person But By Learning to See an Imperfect Person Perfectly"

A year ago this week I wrote a series of blog posts about what makes an "amazing" marriage. I was inspired by a woman physician who knew I had been married for a long time, asking me what makes an amazing marriage. She specifically wanted to know how I had stayed married so long to a neurodivergent partner who has struggled with his mental health.

What I shared a year ago was great advice for challenging marriages and, after another year of marriage, and coaching women to find calm, peace, and connection in challenging relationships, I have some new pearls of wisdom.

• "What screws us up most in life is the picture in our head of how it is supposed to be."

• A strong marriage rarely has 2 people strong at the same time.

• You are allowed to be different than who you once were.

• “Behind every beautiful thing, there has been some kind of pain.” Bob Dylan

• Good relationships don't just happen. They take time, patience, and 2 people getting through the hard together.

  I also continue to remember daily that:

• "You come to love not by finding the perfect person but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly"- Sam Keen

• When you choose/decide to have an amazing marriage/relationship, and “want what you have” everything feels better and is better.

• When you choose a story that makes you feel good your marriage is much better than when you choose one that makes you feel bad.

It’s in your control to be intentional about love, curiosity, humor, honesty, and commitment, no matter what challenges you face in your marriage.

All marriages, even neurodiverse marriages can become much better when you practice these tools.