What To Do When You Parent Differently

A few pearls of wisdom from Monday night’s mindful coaching session on mindful co-parenting—-What to do when you parent differently.

As a pediatrician, mom of 3 spectacular sons, and mindful coach, applying mindful coaching tools to parenting and relationship struggles is an area of strength and passion. And I have lived the challenges--- Over the last 25 years, my co-parent and I haven't always agreed on strategy and best approach. We are different and we parent differently. We love our children and want the best for them and we have had different ideas of what that looks like and how to get there. As the pediatrician mom I of course always thought I was right.... in reality, there is no "right." Peace, love, and as much family harmony as possible are what's right.

I have learned to show up for parenting and co-parenting practicing the tenets of mindfulness--in particular noticing, curiosity, non-judgment, acceptance, and intention.

I always remind myself that parenting is a long game. Your relationship with your adult children is longer than your relationship with your children as kids and there is a lot of time to get it right and wrong. And it usually turns out fine either way.

There is no failure just learning. Sometimes there is more learning when it doesn't go right than when it does.

Mindfulness and coaching have helped me become a much better parenting teammate. Supporting your teammates and playing to their strengths is a great strategy. Micromanaging and criticizing usually don't lead to the best team experience or results.

I often ask my future self what she would recommend I do. She is very smart- worries less and trusts herself and that it will turn out well. She is usually right.

I remind myself that my children will have a long relationship with their dad and what is in my control is choosing to nourish their relationship rather than try to fix it or improve it. If the issue won't be a huge deal 5 years from now, and/or it isn't "CPS worthy" - it is ok not for me not to fix it and let them all "learn" from it instead. It will likely get figured out just fine without your input. They will likely figure it out way better than you expect.

I try to show up for our differences as someone I will be proud of in 5 years. I remind myself different isn't worse - it is just different. And I ask myself what if it turns out better than I expect?

I also try to ask myself "productive" questions.

How do I want my children to remember how I handled it?

What would love do?

What would peace do?

What is my co-parent good at?

How do we complement each other as parents?

How do we make a good team?

Just like ALL relationships, there are seasons to parenting.

I excel at some and my partner is better at others. This may not be their moment of glory or "zone of genius" but something in thef future will be--practice patience. My husband excels at legal issues, apartment leases, broken-down cars, and many things that I do not. For this, I am extremely grateful. I am happy to handle the education, medical, relationship, and life decisions.

In honor of father's Day- this upcoming Sunday's Mindful Healers Podcast will be a juicy discussion of the same topic. It releases on June 20th.

And for any of you struggling, I love helping people show up for their parenting and co-parenting with peace, calm, groundedness, and intention. Because we want the best for our children and we have smart brains that are trained specifically to think in certain ways- we often encounter a fair amount of conflict around this topic. Many of my clients make massive improvements in this area of their lives.