Why You Should Be the One to Change
I wrote about “Why Should You Be the One to Change?” a year ago.
“Because you want things to change” is what I shared.
Another year later into this work, I offer that being the one to change in a relationship is hard- for me and for almost everyone I work with.
It isn’t our natural response.
We all still want others to change.
Our brains still offer that if others would change, we would feel better.
This is because we are human.
What is different, after coaching, is that you notice these thoughts, don’t judge them (at least most of the time) and accept that they continue to pop up/. You stop resisting the thoughts.
Who wouldn’t want the other person to change—wanting them to change is easier than changing yourself.
But getting them to change is a whole other story.
The other person may or may not do so.
And even when they try to— they usually don’t end up changing how you think they “should.”
And even if they change exactly how you thought you wanted them to,
you may or may not feel better.
When you leave the change to someone else— there are lots of unknowns and lots of uncertainty.
The change is out of your control.
And when things are out of your control and uncertain they usually don’t feel good.
When you change yourself, you know you can feel better.
When you do the changing,
you get to choose what and how to change.
You have agency and are back in the driver’s seat of your own experience of your life and your relationships.
This feels better.
When you change, everything around you begins to change and shift.
The energy of your relationships and situations shifts.
Almost always for the better.
Why not “be the change you want to see” rather than being a ping pong ball reacting to whatever happens to come your way.
Changing yourself,
seeing how you are getting in your own way,
and getting out of your own way is not easy.
The human brain doesn’t like to change. It prefers someone else do the changing.
That is why a guide helps. Getting help helps.