Mindful Families
As the holidays approach, some thoughts on family relationships.
Many are struggling with family members with different opinions on COVID safety and what is a safe family gathering.
Others are struggling with different ideas about communication, how to show love, and sometimes even what's appropriate dress for the dinner table ... to keep the humor in this, I will share that I have a 15-year-old who thinks shirtless dinner should be allowed right now…
I work to show up for all this with love and compassion.
And note it is intentional and it is work.
I focus on the fact that I, and they, are imperfect humans.
My own behavior is all that is in my control.
Self-care is essential.
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Other useful strategies:
Accept and Allow.
Accept that it is an unusual time with lots of uncertainty and challenge for all.
Accept your family members as they are and you as you are — with “grace and compassion.” We are all imperfect and “a work in progress.”
“When we fight reality we lose 100% time. “
Whatever is part of your reality right now just is. Hopefully, it is not a want-to-be shirtless dinner companion.
You don’t have to like it but resisting its existence doesn’t help.
Validate your loved one’s feelings whether they are anxiety, stress, fear, frustration, loneliness, disappointment. It's not your work to fix or change them. Even if you happen to be a doctor.
Share your medical advice when needed. And parental advice when necessary.
Don't forget to validate your own feelings and struggles also.
All feelings and emotions are allowed.
Allow the frustration, irritation, anger, and disbelief when needed.
It passes through you with more ease when you don't resist.
Be Intentional.
Clean up your own mental clutter.
I try not to do “drama.”
Choose how you want to feel.
I want to feel love and compassion.
Take a stand for who you want to be in your relationships.
I want to be mindful, intentional and someone I am proud of.
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What would love do?
Model vulnerability and problem solve.
And be curious.
What are you making their behavior mean?
Could their behavior mean something else?
How are they showing you love and commitment, even when it looks different than you think it should?
How are they "Just like You"?
Another favorite question of mine.
Because just like asking what would love do, it creates bridges when they are hard to find.
When searching for how they are just like me, I go back to the idea that almost everyone wants to be heard, accepted, supported, loved, and safe.
It's the different interpretations of the how of this that is getting in the way.
And when all else fails, turn to humor.
It helps a lot.
If relationships cause you to struggle, I will be offering my relationship coaching program again in January. Send me a message to get on the list. It will make 2021 so much better.
Whether they wear shirt or not.