Mindfulness and coaching allow me to see this and then to live it with those I love. It is especially helpful in my neurodiverse marriage and with my mother.

Once again I am back to my guiding words for 2021– love, abundance, grounded, and proud.

When I chose these words I did not understand how they would —and should —seep deeply into every nook and cranny of my life.

Autism may seem like a negative. But as coaching teaches you- it is merely a neutral fact.

Some days our neurodiverse marriage is a fact that feels like a heavy brick, and I wish it was different. On other days it feels like a gift.

Because of our neurodiversity, I have had to grow in ways I didn't know I needed or wanted to. And that growth was good. In fact, it was amazing.

It's good and bad. Like everything in life.

Somedays “should” be great days but they don’t always feel that way. Even if on paper they look great.

Even when you do all the things you wanted and hoped for and that should have felt nourishing, sometimes even then you feel wobbly and unsure.

These days are different from Down Days.

Lighter but with a nervous energetic unsteadiness.

have decided to call them Wobble Days.

Everyone has them.

They are part of being human. Nothing has gone wrong.

Funny how feelings feel so consuming. Like the down days will never end. Or how the hard times feel overwhelming.

This is a down day, and there will again be up days. I know this to be true. I have experienced the truth of this. I just needed that reminder.

My husband saw me when I couldn’t see myself. I was not dancing my heart.

I was missing the moments and missing out on my best self. I did not pause.

I was not often, truly present. And I did not often lean into or even listen to my heart's desires and wisdom.

Sometimes we need someone to help us see what’s inside of us.

To believe in us more than we believe in ourselves, and to guide us to discover who we really are.

"Beauty fullness" is not perfect. It has bumps and is twisty and scraggly like the crabapple tree. It has idiosyncrasies and even pokey parts.

Beautifulness is real, authentic, loving, giving, and present. It is nurturing, connecting, grounded, trusting, feeling, calm, and kind.

Your beautifulness is hidden within. Even if you can't see it or feel it right now. Likely allowing it to be seen feels vulnerable and uncomfortable and hard.

Start by asking yourself a question: "What is one thing about yourself that you would not change?

What if it turns out better than you expect? It can and often does.

At the moment, it all seemed “bad” and overwhelming. I could not see the way forward or a way through.

Today I see that it has turned out amazing. Clearly, it happened exactly as it was supposed to.

Mindful Minimalism is choosing to notice and be aware of what you need and want in your life.

Consciously deciding what is most important.

And then letting go of the visual and emotional noise and distraction of everything else.

I wanted peace, love, and connection. So I shifted and offered space.

I showed up connecting and peacefully- as if we had all the time in the world for us to move forward.

And I showed up with love. Not just in my mind but in my actions. With a hug and telling him I loved him.

And then….

It takes more than trying or wishing things were different. It can start with one deep breath but to truly shift it takes more than listening to a drop-in session or attending a single yoga session. It takes stepping out of old patterns and learning a new way. And then “practicing ” it regularly.

When the work of transformation comes from a place of love and inspiration the toll feels less costly. The results often feel so good that the “toll” fades quickly and/or is hardly appreciated.

Another toll road that we often discount is the one where we don’t make a change. Not doing the work and staying stuck also has a cost. This road is the one we most often don’t appreciate as having a toll.

Breathing deeply and channeling my inner zen and buoyancy. Even on round 3 of parenting a teenager -as a wise pediatrician with mindfulness and coaching tools deeply rooted within — the journey is a journey.

Using attention intention and a soft mindful focus, I fully experienced and savored every moment. I noticed and appreciated every flower, view, and green rolling hill. I sat on so many perfectly placed rocks.

This reflection was inspired by a photo of a snail posted by someone on facebook.

The caption read: “practicing moving through the world slowly.” I have never liked snails— when I was a kid my mom made me remove them from her orange trees by the plastic bagful. This photo of a snail on a leaf was beautiful and technicolor. To be able to see beauty in a snail photo took me aback.

When transforming, and becoming and unbecoming, is approached NOT from a place of pushing or throttling, but from a place of gentleness and kindness to self, a place of embracing who you are, where you have been and how far you have come — that’s where the magic happens.

I had the best vacation this week. I say this not to brag. But to share the secret. And to my dear family who reads this please don’t take offense. It is a reflection on being human and my own evolution...not on any of you.

Allowing yourself to shine is a gift to yourself and the world. This concept was and is key to my ongoing life transformation. I initially learned it through coaching. It has become an integral part of my life through practice. It was very uncomfortable to start.

Yoga on Saturday was about being “with yourself.”

Practicing it and enjoying it. Noticing how you feel. Noticing what's happening inside.

Happy National Doctors Day to all my colleagues in medicine. I am deeply committed to supporting all of you. Supporting you has been my passion since I was a chief resident in 2001. I never understood why the culture of medicine does not encourage taking care of its healers and taking care of each other as healers.